Men And Feelings

Years ago, in the movies, you NEVER saw a man cry. The man appeared Stoic, dispassionate and removed from the emotions of the moment. More recently, ok, the last 30 years or so, you began to see men tear up in the movies and on television and counselors were giving men everywhere - permission to cry. Still, who can imagine John Wayne crying or Dirty Harry. I do think James Bond finally broke down, so did Bruce Willis.

Anger has always been more accepted but what about the total breakdown? That iconic moment when Rambo picks up an over sized machine gun and screaming as loud as the weapon itself, he sprays indiscriminately at the enemy. When The Patriot, Benjamin Martin tells the evil dragoon that, "Before this war is over, I will kill you", his steely eyed stare assures us that it WILL happen. We wondered about his mental state when he ran down that young Redcoat and savaged him in a blood letting that would make a surgeon squirm in his seat.

Feelings are a puzzle for men. We get tips and examples from the movies, from our dads, from our moms but what is the Biblical approach to dealing with emotions. There is a tendency in our natures to give free rein to our emotions, and sometimes we just get overwhelmed and 'explode', 'melt down', or 'fall apart'. When we feel fear, anger or sadness, how ought we to respond. How shall we 'gird up our loins' when emotions come upon us. The answer comes from realizing our role as protector.

Not a week goes by where I do not share this guiding principle with my sons -

The Principle for Emotions:
A man chooses WHERE and WHEN he will FEEL emotions.

This is so important and it's short enough to memorize and repeat often. Men are protectors, we are the under-kings and we are responsible to give security, comfort and assurance to our wives, our children and then those around us. In an emotional situation, their MUST be a 'rock of safety' that others can cling to. Even when circumstances seem out of control, a man MUST remain under control and lead by example. Can a man be frightened, angry or sad in these circumstances? Yes, BUT, for the well-being of those you are responsible for, you will choose WHERE and WHEN you will let them come and suppress them until then.

The most powerful text of scripture on this topic is 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." There is a marvelous example of this from the author of a wonderful book I'm reading to my boys - Eric Greiten's book, "The Heart and the Fist: The Education of a Humanitarian and the Training of a Navy Seal".  Here are Eric's words relating one fear filled occasion:

"You pass through another week called “Hell Week,” which is considered to be the pinnacle. During that week, you are pushed to your mental, physical and emotional limits and then beyond.  You're pushed to the core of your character and then you need to look inside yourself to figure out whether you’re going to survive or leave.
My hardest moment came when, for the very first time, we were going to be sent into the tents to sleep.  We’d been up for probably 72 hours and people were literally falling over, and I thought that sleep was going to be blissful.  I laid down and I couldn’t fall asleep.  I could feel my foot pulsing in pain.

I started to get fearful and I started to panic and I started to think, "What’s going to happen to me if I can’t sleep?  Our class only gets two to five hours of sleep, what’s going to happen to me if I can’t sleep? . . ."

I knew I was going a little bit crazy because a thought actually ran through my mind like, “Well, maybe if I can’t sleep they’ll let me take a nap later,” which of course was not going to happen.  But what happened was, I stood up and I walked outside of the tent and I walked over to this faucet and I turned it on and I put my head underneath and I washed some of the water over my head.  And I turned back to the tent and as I was walking back to the tent I just thought to myself, “This isn’t about me.  This isn’t about my fear and my pain. This test is about my ability to lead and to be of service to the people who are asleep in that tent right now.”  

And as soon as I let go of my own fear and my own pain, as soon as I focused on what I had to do for others, all of that fear and pain left me, and I walked into the tent and I fell right asleep."

Fear is a normal and natural response. There is something wrong with the man who never feels fear, but never let fear OR emotion have control of you.  You choose WHERE and WHEN you will FEEL emotions.  The best way to suppress and delay fear, is to focus on those who are in need around you, and on the Sovereign Lord of All who loves you and works all things for our greatest good and His greatest glory.  His, is a perfect love and perfect love casts out all fear.

Gird up your loins!

Ok, my beloved ESV translates Job 38:3 as "dress for action, like a man" but in the footnotes it informs us of the older, more rugged expression "gird up your loins". Gird up your loins, though archaic in structure, carries more of an urgency and even risk in it's command. When Job heard the words, he was already sharply attentive for it was the Creator, the Almighty who was speaking, and the intimate message was in the midst of a whirlwind, a tornado, a tempest.

 What does it mean to gird up your loins?  Three men of action immediately come to mind who could answer this question and they are the messenger, the laborer and the soldier.  When a messenger received his orders to quickly bring a message to or from a powerful leader, he would gather up the lower part of his robe or tunic and tuck it into his belt.  His legs, now free to move quickly, were prepared to run and run fast.

The laborer, on preparing himself to plant or harvest would perform the same ritual so that his clothing would not impede him in his labors. Not having to fret about his clothing dragging or catching he could focus in on the work to be done.

Finally, the soldier would look imposing in his tunic and leather belt in a parade, but in battle his legs needed to be free for advancing and retreating, for taking a stand and kicking. Hence, from these three examples we see that this quaint expression gird up you loins means that it is urgent that you prepare to run, labor or fight.

This blog is an urgent call to men to prepare to run, labor or fight.  It is not unique in this call, it is simply another voice to add to the culture war in which men are disappearing.  Our culture has embraced an embarrassing extended adolescence that permits and even encourages boys to remain boys well into adulthood.  It is not unusual to find 30 and 40 year old males sitting in their mother's basement playing video games or wandering the streets dressed in play clothes.  Where are the men who can lead, who take pleasure in work, who will protect the weak, who can build and bind up what's broken.

A man must be prepared to run.  Obviously he should be physically fit but the distance runner knows that running isn't just about physical endurance, it's about a mental persistence and an attitude of perseverance and most of all the resolve to finish the course.  One theme that I am going to keep retuning to in this blog is the idea that love must run.  A love that runs is the attitude that drives the servant. A love that runs is not a love that waits to answer a need when and if it comes, but it's a love that seeks and rescues the weak, the helpless and those in need.  This was so dramatically demonstrated on 9/11/2001.  As the World Trade Center was progressively weakened by the hellish caldron that burned inside, those who could escape ran quickly away from the building. Remarkably, hundreds of people did not! The firemen, the police, the rescue teams said "no" to the urge to run away and ran instead TOWARD the danger, TOWARD the crisis, TOWARD the suffering.  Love runs toward suffering, love runs through the pain and toward the pain.

The second theme of this blog will involve labor.  Work was NOT a part of the curse that Adam brought upon mankind. Adam was created for work and we glorify our Creator when we take pleasure and pride in our work.  

23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. Colossions 3:23, 24

Men have been hunters, builders, fixers, leaders because God has called them to provide for and protect their families - anything less than this is insubordination.

The third theme that we will visit repeatedly is the imperative to fight. The Gospel means 'good news' but as we make our way through a fallen world and surrounded by the conditions of wrath we must recognize that the Gospel is WAR!  A man must be able to defend the faith (apologetics) and apply the truth and power of the gospel in the circumstances of life.  War is the process of replacing evil with good, of tearing down strongholds raised against the knowledge of God and of setting captives free. The fighter establishes boundaries and protects the homeland.  The fighter is prepared to stand, he hopes and prays for peace but in no way will retreat and give evil a foothold.

I will close this first post with a favorite poem by Ethelwyn Wetherald:

My orders are to fight;
Then if I bleed, or fail,
Or strongly win, what matters it?
God only doth prevail.

The servant craveth naught
Except to serve with might.
I was not told to win or lose,
My orders are to fight.